Warnings Upon Stumbling on this Blogsite!

this is not for the faint of heart, my journey is only beginning. everything that i go threw and think will be aired out on here..... so if you have problems with mild language content, constant questionable thoughts, and heartache then you might want to reconsider taking this adventure with me.... if you can deal and cope, the welcome the rollercoaster ride of my life! (ps- you might want to strap your seatbelt on extra tight because it tends to get bumpy and spiral downward before it gets better)

Saturday, January 9, 2010

well back after a winter solice :)

sorry i have been gone so long, i have definatly caught the creeping crap that everyone had....even my daughter; so its been a hard past week.
not back to 100% percent but definatly close! id give me a 98.8% so far, just still tired from it all.

well, i found a doctor for my theropy appointments that i throughly like. he doesnt put up with any shit i try to diss and i quite like it like that. hes helped me alot with my dealings of my former marriage with mr. psycho; whom by the way has taken things to a greater height now, its been quite humrous and i am finally glad i have found laughter amougnst all the crazy shit he says and threatens.....

im going to share my one secret of the day for you; music speaks the words that the soul cannot... therefore if you are amongst a rut.... try finding some good music that can relate to your soul where you can there then reveal your deepest thoughts. take for example as i am doing this entry i am listing to my music player ive posted because most of those songs on there speak what i feel; or they just plane cheer me up :)

my Edward is gone; but that is okay cause i will see him soon.... i hope. i mean yeah i feel the tightness and uncomfortableness has set back in ever since he left; but its something i am used to since he has left... its like a comfortable numb; good thing on my bad days hes only a text message away :) i want only the best for him as he does for me and i know where he is is where he needs to be so im always going to be supportive no matter how much i miss him, cause i am lucky that hes my best friend.

My miss panama i got to spend time with which i needed so gravely and had such an amazing time :) i get to see her again this upcomming week; gosh i have missed her and missed her in my life.

My mister muscles comes home wed :) im way past ready for him to be home. he has truely grown to such a good and close friend over these past few months its been surprising. hes true and will definatly set me straight when i feel like i am drowning.... its nice. i cant wait till he gets here and we go see miss panama :)

ive been reconnected with an old friend of mine, we shall call her miss diva, and unexpectedly its been nice. i love having her around she is tons of fun and such a good listener and talker....

and this week has been amazing time with my dad and has given us time to reconnect; which is what we have desperatly needed since i usually do such a good job of butchering the strings to our relationship. we had a daddy daughter date and went and saw sherlock holmes, watched the rose bowl, and just had a good week. its nice to have the relationship off of eggshells

Mi Madre' is home.... still sick...but on meds, and its nice to have her bouncing around again and everything just back in a good sync

i guess what i am trying to really say with my blog is that i am doing well right now; basically living how its supposed to be.... and only consentrating on the possitives besides negatives because the only thing that can bring me down is me and my thoughts.

one person i want to be reconnected with more is my sister; i miss her and i know shes busy as i am but still i miss my best my friend.

and while i am on happy things; guess what? its not a mental battle as bad in waking up in the morning...which is good. i mean im not gonna say that its gone by no means because i am fully aware that it will never be 100% gone; there are times when i wake up and nothing but negative pops in my mind; but what i am trying to say is that it is becomming easier and easier to pick the possitive besides the negative even in my groggy state. i am so happy and proud of myself.... i am gonna give my ownself a pat on the back.... i love to see things getting accomplished in my life when i am working so hard on it.

well this is all for right now i am rather hungry ( and i need to continue working out and watching what i eat because my meds have made me gain some weight where i am suffering with self conscience of my body but i am sure i will work threw it.... im not letting it bring me down yet; i really hope its not my next pitfall, so yeah i definatly need to change it :-/ )and im gonna go rent us a movie for the night and see if i can get some facewash and a new notebook and some new rsvp pens (keeping my fingers crossed i can) ill write more later

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